How to Take All My Money
Be an adorable barista who remembers my name. HELLO KITTY HELLO KITTY HELLO KITTY Be a fundraising event or non-profit with a cute queer organizer. Be a POC-owned business in a gentrifying neighborhood. Call me “Miss...
Things I Do At Asian Restaurants That Make My Parents Cringe and Question How I’m Related
Ask for no bean sprouts, eat everything but the bean sprouts and/or pick out every bean sprout and anything resembling a bean sprout. “Mild please.” “No spice.” “Zero stars.” Add the smallest...
Things I’m Giving Up for Lent
Going on weaksauce dates (no matter how good looking they are). Coconut Cream Larabars as a meal replacement. Replaying awkward conversations a million times in my head. Feeling guilty for saying “no”, “no...
How to Be an Adult: Trash Bag Edition
Realize you’re running low on trash bags. Buy big box of 200 at Costco. Put box in back of car. When unloading car, tell yourself you’ll bring in the box of trash bags later. Do other things for a week. Repeat steps 1...
Morning Barista Choices
One of my toughest choices each morning is whether to get my coffee from a) the surly hipster barista who hate-makes my drink but it’s really delicious or b) the adorable Starbucks barista who always smiles and remembers my...
Anthem of Aging Asian Lesbians
Of my mortifying revelations in 2016, this might be the winner.
Me Awkward AF
Eating sunflower seeds out of a bag. Using seated calf raise machine at gym. Stepping onto an escalator wearing wide leg pants that hide my shoes so I can’t see. Snapchat. When I’m in the passenger seat on a date and...
Running After Your Hot UPS Driver
When you don’t answer the door because you don’t want your hot UPS driver to see your bedhead and PJs so you wait an acceptable amount of time before venturing out to get your package and lo and behold who walks down...
Things I Pretend to “Inspect” Even Though I Don’t Actually Care
Fruit Back of my hair after stylist hands me a mirror Wine and cocktail menus Bulk eggs at Met Market My car’s air filter after the Jiffy Lube technician brings it out Costco receipt when exiting FitBit Price of anything...
Hey “Fight Racism Guy”, Do You Have a Queer Sister Who’s Single?
I kinda want to ask the guy behind me with the “FIGHT RACISM” sticker on his laptop if he has a queer sister who’s single.