Out & About

Out & About: Starbucks Drive-Thru Barista


After ordering an almond latte (a drink so basic it makes Pumpkin Spice Latte yawn) I rolled up to your window in my late 90’s SUV, which along with Subaru Outbacks is one of the Official Vehicles of Lesbians Everywhere.

I dialed the volume down on Taylor Swift while pulling up but by the twinkle in your eye I could tell you heard I was indeed, a nightmare dressed like a daydream.

Your light brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail and you somehow managed to make that green apron look like the hottest item from Fashion Week. While waiting expectantly for my payment you flashed a brilliant smile (seriously, are your parents orthodontists?) and at that point could have convinced me to buy not only my latte but also pay off your student loans.

With latte in hand, I thanked you and was about to drive off in a enchanted stupor when you winked (seriously, are your parents Brangelina?) and said, “GO PANDAS!”*.

You were already scoring pretty well on my Barista Leaderboard but by recognizing my alma mater’s logo on my card, you pretty much shot up to #1.

*Mascots have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

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