Things I’m Giving Up for Lent
Going on weaksauce dates (no matter how good looking they are). Coconut Cream Larabars as a meal replacement. Replaying awkward conversations a million times in my head. Feeling guilty for saying “no”, “no...
How to Be an Adult: Trash Bag Edition
Realize you’re running low on trash bags. Buy big box of 200 at Costco. Put box in back of car. When unloading car, tell yourself you’ll bring in the box of trash bags later. Do other things for a week. Repeat steps 1...
When You Have an Asian Eye Doctor
Doctor: “Any changes to your close vision?” Me: “Do you mean, do I have to bring things closer to see?” Doctor: (laughs) “Nah, I mean do you have to hold it far away…like can you still see the...
The Next Person to Assume I Don’t Speak English…
The next person to assume a) I don’t speak English or b) I’m automatically related to/associated with any other Asians within a 50 foot radius gets a roundhouse to the face…Mortal Kombat style.
Morning Barista Choices
One of my toughest choices each morning is whether to get my coffee from a) the surly hipster barista who hate-makes my drink but it’s really delicious or b) the adorable Starbucks barista who always smiles and remembers my...
Me Awkward AF
Eating sunflower seeds out of a bag. Using seated calf raise machine at gym. Stepping onto an escalator wearing wide leg pants that hide my shoes so I can’t see. Snapchat. When I’m in the passenger seat on a date and...
Things I Pretend to “Inspect” Even Though I Don’t Actually Care
Fruit Back of my hair after stylist hands me a mirror Wine and cocktail menus Bulk eggs at Met Market My car’s air filter after the Jiffy Lube technician brings it out Costco receipt when exiting FitBit Price of anything...
The Decorative Gourd of Lesbians
I’m the decorative gourd of lesbians: seasonally relevant and looks better in groups.
Situations In Which I Feel Strangely Competitive Around Straight Men
Buying flowers Parallel parking Grocery store produce section Yard work (especially lawn edging) Coffee shop condiment bar When we’re both clearly on first dates Revolving doors