I, Queer

Things I’m Giving Up for Lent


  1. Going on weaksauce dates (no matter how good looking they are).
  2. Coconut Cream Larabars as a meal replacement.
  3. Replaying awkward conversations a million times in my head.
  4. Feeling guilty for saying “no”, “no thanks”, “nope”, “haha yeah no”.
  5. Keeping Bed Bath and Beyond 20% off coupons in the hopes I’ll use them someday.
  6. Counting the wrinkles on my forehead and gray hairs on my temples.
  7. Walking around the house doing my best mole impression instead of taking 2 seconds to put on my glasses.
  8. Wearing bras way past their expiration date.
  9. Feeling like an imposter in my field.
  10. Wondering what Mike Pence thinks about when he cries himself to sleep at night.
  11. Buying pre-cut fruit.
  12. Reading about writing instead of writing.
  13. Reading my phone instead of a book before bed.
  14. Mourning the disappearance of expensive running socks in the dryer.
  15. Eating something just because it’s covered in rainbow sprinkles.
  16. Comparing myself to young, idealistic, skinny Hiccup.
  17. Worrying what older, elderly Hiccup will think of current Hiccup.
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