Who Pays When Two Women Date?

There’s a popular meme going around these days: “Sushi rolls not gender roles.” As queer women we aren’t subject to the same dating playbook as our straight sisters and, while liberating, it can leave us feeling unsure.

The question also brings up how socioeconomic differences, class and the gender pay gap influence dating dynamics. These topics deserve their own columns and we’ll discuss them in future posts.

Today, however, let’s keep it simple. You’re on a date and it’s time to pony up. There’s no man at the table who makes on average 21% more by default to pick up the bill. No man, no problem, right?

As with everything in life, and especially dating, there’s no carved-in-tempeh rule. You gotta wing it. But we’re here to help, so here’s a handy “Queer Quadrant of Who Pays” you can tote in your velcro wallet for reference:

  • Low interest, expensive activity: you pay if you suggested it, she pays if she suggested it.
  • High interest, expensive activity: split it if you both feel comfortable, or alternate (whoever didn’t pay last time pays this time, and so forth).
  • High interest, cheap activity: offer to pay (always do “The Reach”) and hope for the best or if she offers to pay, graciously accept and offer to pay next time (look at you, asking for another date!)
  • Low interest, cheap activity: offer to pay and chalk it up to experience.
    Wishing you many Quadrant II’s and IV’s!

Featured Photo Credit: kimchizerbe

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