I, Queer

Things I Do At Asian Restaurants That Make My Parents Cringe and Question How I’m Related


  1. Ask for no bean sprouts, eat everything but the bean sprouts and/or pick out every bean sprout and anything resembling a bean sprout.
  2. “Mild please.” “No spice.” “Zero stars.”
  3. Add the smallest amount of Sriracha to my pho, gingerly and slowly squeezing the bottle as if I was handling liquid nitrogen.
  4. Remove any jalapeños or peppers with the same trepidation.
  5. Pretend I don’t see the shrimp paste dipping sauce.
  6. Rip holes when rolling my rice paper and have half the fillings fall out after the first bite.
  7. Hold my chopsticks wrong (crossed).
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