Things I Do At Asian Restaurants That Make My Parents Cringe and Question How I’m Related
- Ask for no bean sprouts, eat everything but the bean sprouts and/or pick out every bean sprout and anything resembling a bean sprout.
- “Mild please.” “No spice.” “Zero stars.”
- Add the smallest amount of Sriracha to my pho, gingerly and slowly squeezing the bottle as if I was handling liquid nitrogen.
- Remove any jalapeños or peppers with the same trepidation.
- Pretend I don’t see the shrimp paste dipping sauce.
- Rip holes when rolling my rice paper and have half the fillings fall out after the first bite.
- Hold my chopsticks wrong (crossed).
Ms. Corduroy is queer, Asian, single and roams Seattle on a jet pack.
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